We are all born with self-belief, yet why does it tend to disappear, especially when we need it the most?
As we grow up we are exposed to what the world thinks about us. From school reports, getting picked last for the sports team or being accepted into social groups. These moments start to inform what we believe of ourselves. We start to see ourselves through other people’s eyes.
In coaching terms these are known as ‘limiting beliefs’. You rely on the external world to determine what you think you can and can’t achieve. These fuel negative self-talk and doubt preventing you from stepping out and believing you can achieve more.
If you are ready to achieve your full potential, I am hosting an exclusive online workshop ‘How to increase your impact by leading as your true self’ next Wednesday where we will go deeper into this learning (details at the end of the article) but in the meantime here are some tools that you can use now to help you in your everyday life and work.
What a lot of people do not know about are the 3 universal fears
There are 3 universal fears that everyone shares, and whatever belief you have, will likely be rooted to one of the following:
THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ENOUGH
THE FEAR OF NOT BEING LOVEABLE
THE FEAR OF NOT BELONGING
When I share these with my clients, the relief is huge by knowing it’s not just you. We ALL have these fears and we all need to do the work to move through and beyond them.
The best place to start is by building your awareness of these fears and recognising when they show up.
When this happens, ask yourself some key questions:
- What fear is my belief rooted in?
- If I choose to keep this belief is it going to help me move forward?
- Is there any evidence to support this belief?
- Do I have the choice to change the belief to an empowering one that will help me?
I know – I’ve been there before!
Only 4 years ago, I was in a place of low confidence, riddled with fear of failure and judgement. Until one day, I decided that enough was enough. I committed to learning how I could feel in charge of my mind and get it to work for me.
And now… yes, I can find life and work challenging, but I have the tools to support me through them.
So l want to share with you the proven steps I took, so they can help you be in charge of your mind and fully access your potential.
Step 1 – Your Internal World
The majority of people are unaware that we have an internal world. This is the world we have inside of ourselves. It houses our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions and so much more. It’s the depth of who we are.
Unfortunately this world is often neglected as there is very little awareness and education on how to nurture and look after it.
Due to this, when you reach adulthood it can feel quite chaotic to look inside at what is going on. So a lot of people avoid even trying, and keep relying on the external (outside) world to inform who they are.
If you want to truly transform and take charge of your mind, this is where the work begins.
A great place to start is by building up your self-esteem.
A nurtured self-esteem is vital to enable self-belief.
The graphic above shows the Self Esteem Triad which explains the 3 core parts to build your self-esteem.
- Establishing healthy boundaries – Understanding and being realistic with what is and what isn’t acceptable to you. Understanding that what you think and feel isn’t what someone else needs to think and feel and vice versa.
- Emotions – Being able to label your emotions and allowing yourself to experience your emotions and accepting them.
- Needs – Acknowledging what your needs are and if they are being met both in work and life.
Becoming aware of these 3 key areas will help you to start building your internal world to know YOU are enough, YOU are loveable and YOU belong.
When your internal world is nurtured, it fully ignites your self-belief and nothing can stand in your way.
Step 2 – Empowering beliefs
It’s time to set these limiting beliefs free and embed some new empowering beliefs.
This is what we all forget. Beliefs are not real! They have been created by events, words, thoughts and feelings.
So if the belief is not real, then you have full control to change them.
Begin by listing out all your limiting beliefs. Be honest and challenge yourself. Some beliefs will be deeply embedded so give yourself time to work these out. Then, next to them write out what your new empowering belief will be.
Each morning say your new empowering belief out loud. Repetition is the key to building new neural pathways in your brain, to establish new belief patterns, and ultimately activate your full potential.
Step 3 – Your language
Be very mindful of the words you choose to use. This is a simple change you can make and has the largest and fastest impact on your results.
Your words are food to your brain and if you are putting junk in, then you will not feel good about yourself and proceed to beat yourself up.
Instead of pressure words like:
I struggle to
I have to
Use possibility words like:
I want to
I will give it my best
By moving from pressure to possibility language, you will fuel your potential and boost your self-belief.
Are you ready to go to the next level?
My exclusive online workshop will take place on Wednesday 24th March and I’d love you to join me.
‘How to increase your impact by leading as your true self’ will be a value-packed 60 minute workshop where we will go deeper into this learning and overcome what is stopping you being the leader you want to be.
I am so proud of the work I put in and can honestly say my transformation has been life changing.
Helping others access their potential is something I am deeply passionate about and what fuels my work now as a coach.
By signing up today, I’m also giving away one of my coaching tools for free (worth £47). To find out more and reserve your space click on the link above .
I hope to see you there!
Joanna Howes is an award winning international coach, behavioural expert, and No 1 best selling international co-author, who specialises in leadership and performance coaching. Her work and expert advice has been featured in publications such as Grazia, MSP Global & The Mail Online. To find out more about Joanna and her services, visit her website here.